August 2011
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I am getting there
I love college,
I love where I am going in life….I love to say that I have gotten to do everything I wanted to do…and I was able to get myself there.
I don’t get much of any support…and that’s ok, after of few years….you learn and move on.
I mean, it still hurts to know as much as I do and keep my mind rolling….when its all finished…where, and...
My life
I need to get a schedule going on.
I know I can fit everything together easily….I just need a few weeks for everything to finally get patched though, and not just get but fucked with random ass days of work.
Thank you Starbucks.
Ima a boss so no worries.
Today, Bio from 8-850
ran two miles to work
work from 10-2
Ran from 230-4
Library from 4- 11
Boss as shieet.
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Follow
Whether it be your heart or your soul.
Follow it,
It’ may lead you to some roads, you wonder why you would ever cross.
Though you’ll think about it later on, and ask yourself what you would be if you never crossed that road….what if you never learned that lesson, in the past.
What kind of person would you be?
We have to look ourselves and hope for the best. We are human,...
Dammit
Well Jess was no help at all.
I am a very sticky situation, and have no idea what to do about it.
I don’t want to at all assume….and maybe that should be my over ending answer, even with the past I have had.
If I assume, ill still be the kid in highschool, and not actually the kid I want to be.
So, that’s most likely the answer I guess I am going to have to take.
Today, I...
Jesus, I finally just noticed something I hang out with a kid…exactly like my past.
Hmm
So i destroyed my legs running Wednesday…..I guess I am off to do it again today, no? haha
Expecting to much to soon
I think that I expect to much, such as a study buddy.
Or maybe I just expect to be as fast as everyone.
But is never like that, we all have our time and our place…..I hope mine will be soon.
Maybe ill be meeting someone else that is in my same position, maybe not. What ever happens though, I just hope it lasts and ill get some where with it. I need a motivation…I need confiedence..I...
When I'm shuffling
Expectation
Reality
Since I am on the roll
I am in that mood, maybe not to ramble, but to release all the bundle feelings inside of me.
I dunno if it has been me just stressed, or what of it. I just know I have been doing all of what I can to stay alive, and doing the best I can. I mean despite the classes that I have been taking I found out that half of my books are the incorrect books. Which means that I have to go rebuy and to sell my...
That need
Today, in two of my classes. There was a period of time where it seemed I zoned out so much, I was remembering my past….and how badly it seemed I really needed a hug.
I look around and with everything I am at right. I think this is the rock bottem of me being alone.
I mean, it was weird it wasn’t me in that depressed state, that no one loves me or any of that shit. It was just that...
Beginning rough ending it well
Today, I woke up late….totally missed my theater class…..was a bit upset though at the same time…..I had to just let it go..I have a job interview in 20 minutes I had attempt and run too.
After the job interview I was very glad to say I got the job. I kinda new I was from the fact that I had a year and half of coffee experience, but I am not a big fan of being over confident or...
Finally
I did it. I can finally play a sport….I finally did it.
Disability
When you have it, you tend to forget about it.
When you talk about it, you tend to feel confident about it.
When you hear, about it.
You secretly just get hurt about it.
When you were singled out about it.
All you can do is just pray about it.
So it’ll be all over.
Class starts tomorrow
I can’t wait. Life is going to be amazing, college is here and I get to be who I want to be.
There is finally right now no one to please besides myself.
The only downsides is I wish I was the dorms.
Next year…..I’ll be there.
Yesterday
I had a standing ovation….it felt amazing non the less. Haha everyone deserves one.
Trying my hardest to get out of my comfort zone, though I think I am coming to strong sometimes.
This is going to be an issue,
Alright, well what I wanna do with my life, is be apart of the PSU community.
Meaning I wanna be that OL
I wanna be in CAB
I wanna be in Step
I wanna be that boss RA
I wanna be all of that……though if my rommates are throwing partys and shit…..I can’t have at all any kind of alcohol record.
Ill lose that nursing program, and any kind of wanting to be apart of anything...
The sign of Giving up
I hope something happenes tonight to really boost my self esteem again.
I am getting lazy, bored…to say non the less.
I have noticed, my lack of eating…taking care of myself, and the lack of exercise. I am not to sure why this is, but it just is. My urges for myself to properly fuction are fading quickly away.
I don’t know why, this is.
I am worried.
Love.
Pretty sure everyone on the history of the planet misses this show.
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i fucking love this fandom. High Fives ARE AWESOME
illwritetheendingformyself:
everyday I'm tumbling.
Canoeing
So it happened, again…..I was quite and well….I was who I never really wanted to be.
My whole goal in college is to be, someone who is comfortable and with some sort of confidence….but it always ends up to be, as I who is the quite one….and doesn’t really have much to say.
I hate it more, because while I was camping last night….I thought of the whole entire...
Herpa durp durp
And the nightmares come back to play…
Hmm
I winder if I actually had anyone there for me?
I mean I can see yeah of course I did right?
Though I see all these kids have like one surgery for there wisdome teeth out, and it seems everyone is gracing there presece hopping they feel better and all.
Fuck man I have this surgery and was sent to the E.R. 12 times within a month…and I kinda got shit.
Granted I really don’t care...
The ice breaker
So, Ibdont believe we actually did the ice breaker today. Though we did define our cliques….so saw it coming.
Though I decided to go a different way. Instead of trying to hard to be someone I am conepletely not. I played ping pong with random kids then played fuckin janga bitches!
It was some good times.
Just kinda have to remember this is not my whole grade, so I shall not assume the...
Personallity
We tend to act differently around certain groups and all.
Though a few changes here and there we still have our core body of who we are.
Though for some reason I feel like I have to be a comepletely different person around my room mate….
It’s maybe that I know who I am and just have no confidences…
Or I am still a lost boy just trying to find something.
This is intresting
I brought to my apartment, my laptop two folding tables, that are pretty small, and a bed with some added features (Going to walmart and buying these little stands to lift my bad lolololol).
This kid friggin brings a TV and his life saving with him…..We’ll we are prepared for the worst aren’t we?
hahahaha
Freshman year of college, I am not to sure I am ready for you quite...
Hate
I know you hate me…I just wish we could at least have stayed on good terms.
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I write to you
Tumblr, you’re like my live journal.
Youre there for me to write the things I want to say. You are who I vent to with out recieving any reprocautions with.
People may follow this. Though I may write so much, why bother right?
I like it.
The biggest tool you have tumblr, is the ability for memory.
Where have I been and you can guide me to where I am going.
To make more since on what...
We are so breakable
All we become to be are just breakable. So breakable, breakable, breakble girls….and boys.
We are in this together, so let me be there.
I know moved away from you all…but that didnt have to mean you all had to dissappear.
I know I am alone…though I can handle it…it just sucks.
Man
Everything is around you, your friends and co-workers…..it still seems like I feel so alone.
I have built all of this pain, stress and anger….I have everyone, though no one to talk to.
And when I feel like I found the person who I feel comfortable, it seems like they wouldn’t wanna bother.
My Notes on my phone….bring me back in time where I thought I knew everything...
So that's how we feel apart.
I honestly am trying to get everyone together.
I state one little factor, and I am the one who is immature?
As you tell everyone and I have you both down “On my throat” about it?
Did we forget what the fuck just happened?
My apologies that I don’t know anyone of you at all anymore…but sometimes what it seems nothing has changed.
Jesus christ.
You’re lucky I...
Mama Fischer…why? How could you.
:( I don’t know why this hurts me so much inside.
Legit two weeks ago, before I left I came by to give you a hug. You told me to come and visit. To never forget you….you broke that promise.
Though you hurt not only your friends, though all three of your daughters.
Why?!?!
I think Ive became more angry then anything at this point.
Definition
I am the true definition of a tool.
Not a tool bag. Though a tool itself.
I see one post…and I talk to one mast kid.
Everything comes back. The days, the months of my senior year.
My birthday weekend.
Everything was so perfect….
Now I’m practically starving in an apartment alone……and here comes the tears.
